Journey To Tamara: You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up

September 2009

Well let the games begin...

Where do I begin?

How do I tell you all so many things in such a small amount of time and space?

I've been holding off writing about ??? What do I call this? Life? I wasn't used to "Life" like this. Not really. Where did this "STUFF" come from?

Who's "life" is this anyway?

First off let me explain who I am.. really.

Perhaps then you'll understand or try to?

I don't do pity parties.. not for myself.. not for others. Never have.. never will.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not a cold hearted witch by any stretch. I listen.. give out hugs, wipe away tears and find solutions. I do sympathize, mourn, get mad, sad and then try to get past it. Although I believe in the power of prayer I do not need anyone leaving prayers on my voice mail, text or as in one case stopping me at my daughter's party at the golf club this May to give me their version of a pep talk. I do not generally need pep talks.. I give them.

I am NOT depressed.. I am pissed. There is a huge difference.

I do not and will not take a pill so you feel better. So you feel like you helped somehow.

That is absolutely ridiculous.

The main reason I didn't update our blog until now is I was waiting for things to get settled so I could put a positive spin on all this. You see there are hundreds.. perhaps thousands of adoptive parents, social workers from around the world who pop in to see how we're doing. I didn't want to discourage anyone from adopting or placing a child with an older couple. Age is a somewhat relative term. Yes.. raising a now 5 year old would have been easier 10 years ago.. maybe? We were different people 10 years ago. The world was a much different place 10 years ago. Think about it. What were you doing 10 years ago? Did you do it right? Would you like a do-over?

OK.. so by now you're probably scratching your head saying... WHAT???

So.. are you ready?

Let the Games begin...

The Thursday after Labor Day 2009 Tamara and I developed a wicked cough. The kind that makes you feel like you might cough up a lung or something like? I immediately took her to the Pediatrician who informed me I was an over protective first time Mom. Her lungs sounded clear after all. And it was allergy season. All the kids have this. "Relax Mom" I was told.

I noted that several of her preschool classmates sounded like us and again I was told by the Preschool director. "It's allergy season. All the kids have this." "Relax Mom".

About half way through the month a visit to my Dermatologist resulted in a half dozen routine biopsies. When the results came back I was shocked to learn that a few had come back positive for dysplastic nevus. A form of skin cancer that if not addressed could turn into the ever dreaded Melanoma. Surgery was scheduled and I was ready to go. The evening before while routinely taking Tamara's temperature I had discovered that although she was fine I had a low grade fever. I quickly called our internist to ask her if there could possibly be a reason why I shouldn't have the surgery with a low grade fever. She asked to see me 1st thing in the morning.

She listened to my cough.. lungs sounded clear but wanted a chest x-ray just in case. My chest x-ray showed I had a viral walking pneumonia. I was given scripts for it and told to post pone my skin cancer surgery. As soon as I got home I called Tamara's Drs. and insisted they see her. When we arrived I told them about my diagnosis and how my Dr. couldn't hear it either. Again I was told. "She's OK.. it's just allergies. We can tell if they have pneumonia. And was sent home with a script for a cough syrup for her. Told to relax "mom".

Another few weeks go by.. my cough goes away.. Tamara's doesn't. One day my sister in law calls me. My nephew who had been playing with Tamara came down with the same strain of viral pneumonia. That's it... I said she's getting x-rayed today! I once again went to the pediatricians. I told them what happen with my nephew and was told. We don't like to x-ray 4 year olds. She's fine.. it's allergies. You're being over protective. OK.. at some point they push you too far. I don't over react... I'm not a paranoid mom. At this point I had had my daughter for over a year and pretty much knew everything about her. I raised my voice. Yes.. I yelled a bit. "Either you x-ray her today or I will find someone who will and when that x-ray comes back positive ... you'll be hearing from my attorney." Well that did it.. suddenly the x-ray referral is called in. The Dr. told me I was exposing my daughter to unnecessary RADS and she is only complying at my request. lol. Fine... let's go. Off we go.

I went in with Tamara to make sure the positioning was correct. Yes I know I exposed myself to unnecessary RADS.. she's my daughter wouldn't you? We got the shot first try. Yay! And guess what. This paranoid.. over protective Mom was right. My daughter and I were exposed to a viral pneumonia sometime over Labor Day weekend. Unfortunately it took about 3 weeks for my diagnosis and another 3 for my daughters.

I'm happy to report it doesn't look like we were any worse for the wear. My husband was also treated as a precaution.

Now.. I go to the preschool committee meeting which just so happen to be that night. I tell them the "so called allergy the kids have is really a viral pneumonia and the parents must be told." I was told. They can't be. You see in late August the CDC had a conference with all the preschool directors and the county Board of Health regarding the H1N1 virus. I was asked as a committee member to attend that meeting. There I sat 2nd row center with our Director. And we were told by the CDC and Board of Health not to inform the parents of a potential outbreak of H1N1. The theory was that if the infected children were in school at least they'd be in class and the CDC would be able to better contain the problem. You see in Spring of 09 when the H1N1 seemed to be running rapid in Texas and the schools and school districts started to close one right after another what they found is... imagine this... Parents were not keeping little Suzie home.. they were setting up play dates. Taking her to the mall and dropping her off at Grandma's. No containment. No control. There was also an issue of privacy. The patient confidentiality act was fairly new and being mis interpreted. I was told I could not make an announcement because I would be representing the committee. The school would not tell them because of the privacy act even though I gave them permission to tell the other parents. I think they were afraid of losing customers. So I privately contacted parents who's children had "the cough". After listening to it for 6+ weeks you know what it sounds like. The parents were grateful and a few of the children did test positive and were treated successfully. Yay!

OK.. In the mean time. I'm back on schedule to have my skin cancer surgery. I will have had about one every 3 weeks for the next 6 months. A total of 7 out patient surgeries resulting in over 350 stitches. The good news is so far all the surgeries have been successful and to my Drs amazement I didn't require any pain meds. That's not to say there was no pain or discomfort just not bad enough to warrant popping a pill. OK.. I'm getting ahead of myself here. Back up to November a bit.

Are you still with me? Pay attention now. This segment has nothing to do with "my life " as I see it. It's some fluke? A series of bazaar events effecting me and those I care about.

I'm going to bring you all up to speed so hold on. Once I'm finished we'll fill in the months of gaps on our real life. The life you all really are here to read about. My life with Tamara. ;o)

So we're in November 09. My surgeries continue. Tamara is feeling better and back in school and at dance. In November Tamara and I catch the H1N1 virus. Luckily we were so in the loop because of my surgeries and my mistaken identity as a over protective / over reactive mom in October that it was diagnosed almost immediately and treated accordingly. Yay!

Once again I have a confrontation with the school director. According to CDC rules they don't even want to know that we have a confirmed case of H1N1 in our school. You just can't make this stuff up. Really!!!

Early December our family has yet another unexpected series of events. I don't remember the exact date .. I could look it up but it really doesn't matter. But I do know it was during the Christmas Holiday Season.. well before Christmas as I sent both boys a Christmas tree in lou of flowers. My two nephews both ended up in ICU the same week. One in NJ with a lacerated liver. A snow boarding accident. The other in Connecticut with a collapsed lung. Both teens had us sitting at the edge of our seats for weeks.

Christmas came and went and was fairly uneventful. Although my parents were driving me nuts. They got it in their heads that people die right after Christmas and wanted me to research and then call some of my childhood friends just to find out if their parents were still alive. LOL.. Oh Dear God.. I thought "What on earth is this all about"??? Is this what having aging parents is like?

"Hello Suzie? It's Lee _____. Remember me? Yeah we used to be friends some 35+ years ago. How are you? Great! Listen... I'm calling to see if your parents are still breathing?

Oh I'm sorry. They did? You are? OK... wow.. that's too bad. Oh sure.. why not. I'd love to see you too. Next week.. Um.. No.. no.. I'm so busy lately. Yeah sure you can call me.. ah ha. "

Oh yeah.. give me the list.. I'm on it? Oh boy!!!

January ... Happy New Year right?

I had continued my surgeries straight through the holidays. Late January we celebrated Tamara's 5th. 4 days of celebrations. Everything went smoothly and without a hitch. No colds.. no flu.. no pneumonia. Just a few dozen stitches in my back to remind me to appreciate every moment.

The Wednesday after her Birthday weekend. Bruce on a conference call.. wearing his head set comes to my desk.. lifts his pant legs and says do these look normal? His one leg was about 30% larger and purple.

"Oh shoot... I think you have a blood clot" We need to call the Dr. We get an appointment immediately and then I call the preschool. "Get Tamara ready we have a medical emergency I'm picking her up in 5". We swing past the school I strap Tamara into her car seat knowing this would take more then a few hours she needed to be with me.

They do a direct admit with Bruce. He had a blood clot from his ankle to his knee. Great?

Tamara is fine with our adventure until they wheel Daddy off and we can't follow. Because of the H1N1 outbreak no one under 18 is allowed past admissions. She cried from the Hospital all the way to McDonald's. Not my favorite food option but I thought someone might need a Happy Meal. :o( When we pulled into Micky D's I turned around and found myself being a little stern. Pointing .. no wagging my finger I said. "Stop crying. Daddy will be OK. Daddy needs his girls to stay strong" and she stopped. "OK Mum.. no more."

I called my mother told her what was happening and told her I'd call her when I get home. Swung through the drive through and came home. When I got home I found a message from my parents. They were on their way to baby sit so I could go back to the hospital. This was the first time they were going to babysit Tamara in almost a year and a half since we've been home from Tbilisi.

I decided to change Tamara into something more comfortable as she was still dressed for school. I took her upstairs and as my eyes met hers I felt myself starting to lose it. My eyes started to swell up with tears. Just looking at this beautiful little girl. A little girl who has had so much heart break at such an early age already. Surely she won't lose another set of parents I thought. Dear God.. she can't... I thought. And right on cue. My perfect little daughter looks at me. Starts to wave her little pointer finger in my face..

" No Mum.. Dada be OK. No Mum.. Dada be OK. No cry"

I had to smile. She was right. Daddy would be OK.

That's My Girl !!!

Back at the hospital my husband was in ICU getting ready for surgery the next day. Mom ended up spending the night for the next few nights as Thursday they only managed to recover 75% of the clot and needed to go back in the next day. Friday he was going into surgery at 6 am. I overslept and woke up at 5:40. I called him.. If I fly I can get there in time to see him get wheeled off. He told me to stay put. Have breakfast with the girls and come toward the end of surgery. Seemed logical... I told myself. It will be OK.

A few hrs later I arrive at the hospital and am escorted from the front main entrance to the Cardiac unit. "What's Up?" I asked. "We're having a Cardio incidence" I'm told. A what? Turns out I almost became a widow that morning. What was expected to be a routine text book perfect procedure turned into a nightmare. After he was stabilized the surgeon came out to me to apologize. He told me he didn't pre medicate my husband enough for the iodine allergy and Bruce went into Anaphylactic shock on the table. He remembers his throat closing.. and them yelling .."stay with us" as he was watching the light at the end of the tunnel. Yup.. it's official there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Friday afternoon was fairly uneventful. Bruce was doing well in ICU. Tamara and Baba were bonding.. having fun at home. It was starting to look like the crisis might be over? Under control? Is that possible?

Saturday.. I go visit Bruce. He's doing great. They say he'll be released after they perform a stress test on Monday. During the cardio incident .. the cardiologist thought he may have seem something. Just wanted to check and make sure. Ok.. no problem we thought.

Around dinner time Bruce suggests I go home.. have dinner with the girls and then come back later. Great idea I thought.. I'm sure they could use the company. I called.. Mom wanted to go home and pick up a few things so I agreed. Mom doesn't drive and lives 40 min. away. And a bit of fresh air would do us all good I thought. I pick the girls up drive to baba's. Visit with my Dad and then drive home again. Stopping at the market to pick up a few things.

When we got home Mom / Baba asked me to help her to the bathroom?

Strange .. "you OK Mom?" "I'm having trouble seeing" she said. She was totally disoriented. Asking me where the bathroom was when I had her standing next to the toilet.

"Tamara bring Mommy the phone" Tamara comes running to see what was happening. "Tamara bring Mommy the phone now!!!" I yell. Baba got mad at me for yelling at Tamara. "It's OK Mom.. she has to learn to do what I say the 1st time" . Tamara brings me the phone I dial 911. I tell them her symptoms and say.. "I think it may be a stroke.. hurry."

I walk Mom back to the family room and have her sit in our club chair with a cold compress because she was complaining of pain. Tamara watched.. held Baba's hand. "Baba you OK?" she kept asking.

Soon the EMT's arrived. Escorted by one of our finest in blue. The policeman whom I knew was wonderful. He immediately told the EMT's that there was a little one in the house so they needed to work quickly and discreetly.

Luckily because Mom was spending the night and she had just picked up more of her stuff we had all her meds, vitamins and such with us. She was transported to the local hospital via ambulance and after calling my brother to pick up my Dad (Didi) and meet us there Tamara and I followed in my car.

Ok.. so I get to the hospital with Tamara. I have a husband in ICU and my Mom in the ER and I have my 5 year old with me so we're not allowed past the ER waiting room. Ugh!! You really can't make this stuff up. I call Bruce from my mobile to his. Tell him what's going on and not to worry. Soon my brother and dad show up and they go in to be with Mom. Yup she had a Cerebral Hemorrhage and needed to be airlifted to another hospital where there was a team of nero surgeons waiting for her if the bleed didn't stop.

My sister in law came and she watched Tamara so I could go visit mom and Bruce. I had about 10 minutes before the helicopter took off. I ran to see mom... tell her she was going to be OK and that I loved her. I then had about 5 minutes to go see my husband in ICU. As I ran through the hallways from the ER to ICU the strangest thing happen. I was met by standing hospital personnel and security at every corner telling me which way to go. Left.. right.. straight. Doors were opened for me. They all knew who I was and exactly where I was going. Like a well oiled machine.. an Olympic team.. they got me there and back in record time.

Back home... I was basically stuck. Tamara was in pre-school for only a few hours a day 3 days a week and refused to leave Mommy's side. So she stayed home with me. I couldn't go visit Bruce and I certainly couldn't go visit Mom who was now hours away. So I waited at home for Monday to arrive.

My sister in law dropped off my niece one afternoon for a few hours. Long enough for me to take a shower and then give Tamara a bath. It was nice just having that short 15 min. break to shower and not worry about anyone for a brief moment. A sanity break if you will.

And my friend Sondra called me every few hours just to make sure we were OK. Somehow knowing that if I dropped help would come helped.

In a few days Bruce was being released. I couldn't go get him in his room so Tamara and I waited downstairs for the nurse to bring him to the lobby and then out to my car. Remember no kids due to H1N1.

Once we got home my sister called and said she spoke to the nurse and Mom had taken a turn for the worse. If I can I should go see her. I couldn't leave Tamara with Bruce alone yet so we decided to all go to see Mom. As we were loading the car my sister called back and said false alarm the nurse made a mistake you don't have to go. But we did. How could we not? So despite the fact that my husband had a near death experience and had just been released from the hospital and I had a 5 year old that was nearing her bed time I drove my family through what turned out to be a surprise snow storm to see my Mom not knowing what the outcome would be. That hospital visit would be one of many to follow. And then weeks at the Kessler Institute where Mom made wonderful progress and was released with the hope of a continued success at home.

The following day I finally made my way back to the Drs. You see I had 37 stitches in my back that weekend. And at one point being stuck at home due to excessive icing in my driveway. My 5 year old daughter actually helped me change my bandages. She is an amazing little girl. Someday she will make an excellent Dr.

March and April were relatively calm. Bruce was OK and my Mom was improving with every visit. Come May of 2010 we finally managed to get Tamara Christened and we threw a party at the Golf Club being that it was also her Gotcha Day. Fun was had by all and my little girl was a perfect angel that day. Yay!

My last surgery for the season would be in June and then we took the summer off.. promising to return in the Fall. You see all these surgeries were from the waist up only.

In August we tried to get away.. a short trip to Hershey Park. The morning we were getting ready to check out I posted on Facebook not thinking. "Wow this mini vacation went fast. Meeting Tamara's new BFF for breakfast, a visit to the gardens and we're heading home. That was 8:30 am at 1 pm someone tripped our security alarm. After damaging 3 windows and two sliders they tripped the alarm and fled. Well so much for relaxing? As we made our way home we were receiving blow by blow reports about the swat team, the dogs running through our property. It was a very relaxing vacation don't you think? You really just can't make this stuff up!!!

September 2010 was just around the corner. Tamara was starting Kindergarten at the

BIG GIRL SCHOOL . So excited to go.. she was beaming with excitement. Yes my little girl loves school. After dropping her off I return home to Bruce complaining of chest pain. Are you kidding me? He took a nitro pill and we called the cardiologist he met that previous January during his near death experience. Again they did a direct admit and after a few days they transfered him to another hospital for a catheterization. What they found surprised us. 4 blockages. With Tamara and my good friend Sharon in tow we brought Bruce home that night after midnight. He wanted to explore his options as they told him he could do stents or bypass surgery. The following week we started a series of office visits.. 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th opinions. We had 5 Drs at one point and couldn't get any of them to agree on a procedure. The cardiologist wanted a quadruple bypass. The stent man felt he could fix it, The heart surgeon looked at us and said "Yeah.. I can fix it.. you'll make my #'s look great but why did they send you?" After numerous tests, consults, Drs disagreeing with each other we finally decided to do stents. Last week Bruce was once again admitted for an angioplasty and had two stents put in. An over night visit and I was able to bring him home. This time Tamara was in school and I went back to pick her and my friend Sharon up before going to visit Bruce. So far so good. He's doing well. Feels pretty good but he still has to be watched carefully as there are still two blockages that may need to be addressed in the not too distant future.

So that's what's been keeping me from updating my blog. Some of you who are my Facebook friends probably knew a good portion of this. Some didn't. As much as I appreciated the love and support from friends and family I found this past year to be very educational.

I found that many people who I fully expected to step forward ran, looked the other way. And then there are those whom I barely knew or didn't think to ask that stepped forward.

Perhaps the most disturbing to me was a friend who actually called my husband day after day in January in the hospital to tell him that he would take care of the 2 inches of snow that fell every day. "Tell Lee not to touch it" he'd say. Well he never came and I'll never forget the image of the EMT's carrying Mom on a stretcher up my driveway because they didn't dare attempt to pull in my icy driveway. And I'll never forget how my husband almost fell that first night home from the hospital. So I've learned. Some people seem to feel they need to be in the loop and offer empty sometimes destructive and dangerous promises. Some people offer to help but have no intention of being there when you actually need them. I've also learned that DNA is way over rated. My daughter proves that to me every day.

OK.. we're done... for now. So if you expected to hear from me and didn't. If you are missing a Christmas Card? A Birthday or Thank You note? I didn't forget. They're all sitting here in my office. Waiting.. waiting for the moment I share ALL this with you.

OK.. Lets get back to the fun stuff.

Back to Sept. 2009

Below Tamara in Ballet