Where are we now...

We're in a sort of waiting mode this week.

Our Dossier is ready for Georgia. Dossier is a French word for a bunch of documents. Everything has been apostilled in Trenton and Madison and is ready to roll. Apostil is the notary for the notary. Every document has to have this done for international adoptions now.

Just waiting for our NJ Home study report to arrive. Not sure but I think they're waiting for the Ceries report and perhaps the FBI / Homeland Security clearance? But everything else is ready and waiting.

We also filed our I600A with immigration and are waiting for our next finger printing appointment and I 600 which is basically the US gov. giving permission to us to bring Tamara home.

Then our Dossier gets OK'd in Georgia and when we're issued a court date we travel. I emailed our Dossier to Georgia last week for translation and gave power of attorney to our Georgian lawyer so he could go speak to the judges and get things moving.

We are supposed to be traveling in April so things will be moving along at lightening speed. We hope.



In the mean time we're starting to pack. Bought 2 new 5pc luggage sets a week ago. We'll be gone for 2-3 weeks but as you can imagine we need to bring a tremendous amount of stuff with us. Beyond the basics for us we also have to bring medications (just in case). Lots of health and beauty products and even protein bars for energy. For Tamara we need clothing, health & beauty products ( that's what we call J&J baby lotion at our house ). A stroller, traveling aides such as special harnesses for planes, toys, movies, things to entertain her. Pull -ups ... yes my baby is potty trained ;o) . And healthy snacks and sippy cups. The list goes on and on so I won't bore you. But imagine you're going to a foreign country where you don't know the language... certainly have no hope of learning how to read or recognize the words in such a short time as their alphabet is so unlike ours. Now add in 2 food allergies. One for each and imagine you have a toddler who doesn't speak your language. You'd bring a tremendous amount of stuff ... just in case. Better safe then sorry on this trip.

Oh yes I found out yesterday that in Georgia they really really like their walnuts. In fact they use them as a thickening agent in soups, sauces and dressings as well as desserts. How much fun that will be with my nut allergy. So when our crash Georgian language course arrives hopefully this week I'll have to learn how to say "If I survive this meal you'll get a much bigger tip" in Georgian. lol . Seriously I am somewhat concerned but I can usually tell with the 1st bite and a shot of Benadrly is usually all it takes. Besides we will have a translator with us most of the time and when at home a cook. Did I mention the Nanny, house keeper and driver? Oh .. we may never come home. ;o)

Last Saturday we got our 1st round of shots.
ouch!!! Arm still hurts. :o( Yeah... I know... I can hear ya "quit being such a baby"

So Exciting!!!

This is getting pretty exciting! One of my friends that I met when we first started researching Kazakhstan is on her way to meet her baby girl. She left Florida yesterday and we heard from her in NYC and then again in Paris on her way to Almaty. 4 flights in all to meet her baby. Congratulations Sandy. Can not wait to see your baby. Safe Travels and lots of hugs.

Dos & Don’ts for Family & Friends of Adoptive Parents

OK... I didn't write this list but an expert did. I Thought it was worth borrowing for our blog in the hope that it will give some who perhaps are not familiar with adoption a little in site as to why we will do the things we do once our daughter is home. Hopefully Tamara will bond quickly but in case she doesn't ... Your co-operation will be greatly appreciated and is expected. Thank You!


Dos & Don’ts for Family & Friends of Adoptive Parents

Do
1. Offer household help (running errands, preparing meals that can go right from the freezer to the oven, etc.) so the mother can spend more time holding the child.
2. Trust the mother’s instincts. Even a first time mother may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to “normal” behavior.
3. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the mother to see and understand.
4. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.
5. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby’s world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.
6. Tell the baby every time you see her what a good/loving/safe mommy she has.
7. When the parents need someone to care for the baby for a night out, offer to babysit in the child’s home. (After the child has been home for a substantial period of time.)
8. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like she really wants to be with Grandma, for example, she needs to have a strong attachment to her parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not “attached” can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents’ requests.
9. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
10. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!


Don’t
1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.
2. Underestimate a new mother’s instincts that something isn’t right.
3. Judge the mother’s parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
4. Make excuses for the child’s behaviors or try to make the mother feel better by calling certain behaviors “normal”. For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.
5. Accuse the mother of being overly sensitive or neurotic. She is in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.
6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child’s experience has been that mommies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.
7. Put your own time frames on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn't’t understand…after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.
8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the baby up every time she cries because it will spoil her. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time she cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of her and always keep her safe.
9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.
10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.
Thanks for reading!

Fund Raiser For The Kids

Just a reminder that you still have time to help the children that we unfortunately will have to leave behind at the orphanage when we visit. See count down counter on right side bar. To all the good Friends and Family members who have shopped and / or sent checks. We Thank You from the bottom of our hearts. Through your generous donations we will be able to donate many much needed items to the Baby House. Children ages 0 - 3. These funds will be donated in addition to our donation. With any luck I will be allowed to take a few pictures at the baby house and share them with you on this Blog while we're in country.

If you haven't had a chance to visit my Suzanne site and go shopping please do so. 25-40% of retail will be donated to the orphanage which is 100% of my profits. Order online and your order will be drop shipped to your home via FedEx.

http://www.suzanne24.com/lee

Oh... enough of this white stuff

Winter... It's getting old already. Amazingly it's warmer in The Republic of Georgia then it is here. Thought I'd share a few pictures of Hummingbird Haven in the snow.

We've been Nesting for over 2 years...

Nesting...

Some of you thought I was crazy? Some said it's bad luck? The old agencies all said they expected to see nesting. The wanted to see her room finished. Toys, books and clothing. So I shopped and shopped and painted and shopped. Nesting when you switch countries as often as we did wasn't easy. With each country change we had a age change. And with each country change we knew our daughter would have a different ethnic look. So what does a mother do? Well you buy dolls with every ethnic look just in case and you buy clothing in all the sizes. Since Tamara is 3 but the size of a 2 year old she will fit in everything sooner or later. Her closets are full from 18 mo. to size 6X. Someone once said to me why do you need to bring clothing? This woman thought it was horrible that the adopted children don't come with clothing. So I asked her when your children were born did they come into the world wearing a snow suit?

Reality is when you adopt a 3 year old you need a lot of stuff. Especially a child who spent 2-1/2 years in an orphanage. Most of these children have never seen all the every day things that we take for granted. So safety first. Although she is 3 and yes her motor skills are great we do need to baby proof the house. Perhaps more so then if we had her since birth. She will be able to reach more and get there faster. So the baby gates are ready to go up. The outlet plugs are ready and we have spinning door knobs every where.

I decorated her room in Waverly Sweet Violets. I decided to stay away from the traditional bubble gum pink as I'm sure there will be plenty of that in our future. Right now she has a full size bed which we may change in the future to a twin or toddler size bed? We're keeping the full size for now adding bed rails for safety as she is probably used to co-sleeping with someone. That would be me ... I'm sure Bruce will enjoy my side of our bed for a month or two. Most adoptive parents put a crib in their room or co-sleep in their bed but I think it will be easier for me to slip out of her room rather then get Tamara used to sleeping in ours and then try to move her. That's the plan anyway.

We're Extremely Fortunate

We're extremely fortunate to have gotten over 20 video clips of Tamara during the referral process. We're also received countless photos. This is very unusual for an adoption referral. Usually adoptive parents either get one or two photos or travel on a blind referral.

Having these videos has helped us a great deal in getting to know our daughter even before we travel to meet her. Below you will find three videos of Tamara. These were sent to us 24 hrs. after I emailed the Denver Questionnaire which was sent to us by Dr. Aronson in NYC to check Tamara's development. Dr. Aronson is rated as one of the best International adoption pediatricians in the world.

Somethings got lost in the translation. Video # 1 She was to stack blocks, Video #2 She was told to stand on one foot and timed. Video #3 She had to show that she could dress herself.

We love the giggles... she's a cutie

We have gotten videos since these and her hair is starting to come in thicker as well as her lashes. It's amazing the difference we see in just the last couple of months. These children really do respond to proper nutrition and attention. So exciting!!!